I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggarnit people like me!

First off, I started this blog to document my fat loss journey. All the joys, sorrows, accomplishments and pitfalls that go along with it.

I figure an appropriate first post would be discussing why I'm doing this in the first place.

Where shall I begin? Let's see..

My weight has had a profound impact on my life. More than I have ever realized until now. I was born at 11 pounds, I was not a fat baby..but I was husky since the day I was expelled from Mom's uterus.

I also learned to associate the word "big" in regards to myself at a very early age. Some of my earliest memories in fact is from a family member commenting how big I was. Granted, this was not said out of insult. Apparently, big toddlers are cute. (A mistake I am damn sure not to make with my own children!)

Weight became a huge issue for me around the age of 8, where I also developed my "womanhood". Naturally, I had bigger fat stores in my boobs, hips and thighs and about 4 years before my other peers. They didn't even know what a bra was for Christ sake, and here I am..8 years old wearing pads and shaving my legs.

Those were some of the hardest years of my life...being physically and emotionally ahead of everyone else...ick.

From there, weight has just been a battle. High school I tipped the scales at 250 pounds. I've been called every name in the book. I never went on dates, never went to dances, no pool parties or beach outings. I just completely disconnected from my high school peers with music, drugs, and hanging out with people that were at least out of a 10 mile radius from my town. (Nothing against those who I hung out with, but my high school experience has been far from typical, thank you ICP!)

All that time, I hid behind big clothes...until I got a job at Torrid. That place has been a blessing to me, I learned how to dress for my size...but I also learned how to hide my weight in other ways.

Developing a fake confidence that is put on by clothes, makeup, jewelry...don't get me wrong. Style plays a huge role in confidence boosting, but I used it as a crutch. Style should highlight confidence, not create it.I was doing the exact same thing I did using the big t-shirts...HIDING.

I made excuse after excuse.

"I'm fat, but I'm curvy and happy"
"I'm fat, but at least I dress better than that 120 pound chick over there"
"But, I have a pretty face"

Yada, yada, yada.

Well, I will tell you this. I am not hiding anymore. I'm not making excuses for the way I am anymore. Excuses, made me balloon up to 250 pounds. Excuses have held me back my ENTIRE LIFE.

I'm not sure what happened. But I woke up one morning and said to myself...

"I've spent my life as an insecure baby, insecure child, insecure teen. I am NOT going to spend my adulthood in that same place".

I have tried every fad diet you can think of, and nothing has worked. Fad diets=fade diets (I read that from somewhere, so I can't take credit for that).

Currently, I'm focused on changing my lifestyle and my associations with food..which I hope I will carry into my 30's and beyond.

I'm proud to say that I have lost 35 pounds...and that I weigh 197 pounds...down from 232 when I first started tracking. My weight has not started with a number 1, in well over 10 years. When I saw that on the scale, I cried and cried out of happiness.

This is the most honest I've ever been about my weight, I don't see or feel the need to hide it anymore. I will never learn to love my body otherwise.

So, to whoever is reading this...I just want to thank you for the support...because I need all I can get.

<3








Here are some of my stats:

Heaviest weight: 250
Starting weight: 232
Current Weight: 197
Starting BMI: 39.8%
Current BM: 33.8%