Heavy lifting victories!

Today, I legged press more than what I weigh for the first time. I remember when I could barely lift 100 pounds on that machine..now I'm doing 190! So unbelievably proud of myself!

I'll also started dabbling in weighed squats today after a few months of just doing it with my own body weight. I grabbed a 30 pound barbell and went at it. I could have done more, but I just wanted to get a feel for it first...and practice form using that.

But...I'm beginning to realize how much I LOVE lifting weights. I look forward to getting into the weight room, and doing what all the men do. I'm not intending on getting a body builder physique (that requires way too much time to train, and you have to be a REAL stickler about diet to even get that way).

Lifting is starting to make me look a lot leaner than ever before. :)

However, I still struggle with diet. It's definitely getting better, I've been eating carbs around my workouts and decreased sugar intake. Now, I'm working on getting in more plant based carbs. It's just difficult with my living situation. I know things would be different if I were on my own (half our grocery stock wouldn't even be found in my own kitchen). But, it's not the case. No sense in whining about it anymore either, I just have to work around it to the best of my ability.

Even though I have not dropped much weight, I'm still seeing differences every time I go shopping. I'm currently in between a size 12 and 14 (which is uber annoying, lol) I'm smallest I've been in my entire life...and I feel amazing. YAY DENSITY!

It's such a GREAT feeling to walk around with your head held higher. The hard work is so worth it. :)

Dust yourself off and try again.

Today, I trucked it out pretty early to hit up the gym. I managed to get in an hour, about a half hour of leg work and a half hour of cardio.

Though, the cardio was painstaking to get through. My body has been feeling extra shitty lately as well. Probably because I went 6 months of eating relively clean...to eating a lot more prosessed foods than I normally would eat.

Let me tell you, it's impacting my moods, my workouts and my recovery time in a variety of negative ways.

As for my moods, I feel slow...sluggish, unmotivated and blah. During my workouts (especially cardio) my energy just depletes after 20 minutes. It's now taking 3+ days to recover from weight lifting.

I know the way I have been feeling is a multi-variable thing, but I know diet is playing a big role.

So, after I got out...I went to Dave's Marketplace and stocked up on a bunch of really good produce (their produce is exceptional, so fresh!) I'm going to not focus in so much on the numbers of what I eat...other than calorie, protein and fiber count. For now, make it a goal to eat clean. Once I get used to that...I can then focus on my macronutrient split.

Besides, I'm not focused on reworking my body composition. My goal is still fat loss...I realize that I have to take one step at a time. I cannot take on everything at once, contrary what some advice givers have told me.

First real blog post in a while.

As you can see below, it's been a tough the past 6 weeks for me. My energy level is feeling pretty low. It's a combination of school, finding time for the gym, eating right and various other economic related stresses...and of course the dreaded last few weeks of winter.

I've been kind of taking a hiatus from everything. I have not been consistent with tracking or my diet...and haven't posted much on LS. However, I've still be working out. Me without exercise is like me without coffee=USELESS. So I have not abandoned that.

I've just been finding myself completely overwhelmed with balancing nutrition with everything else. I've done my best to take advice from LS members, but many of them make it seem easy..which only frustrates me further. I'm prone for being obsessed and I'm quite the perfectionist. I've tried to so hard to focus on my macro nutrients...but at the cost of my mental health. I really don't enjoy being that conscious of my diet, whenever I attempt to reach out about my feelings to others "I make excuses for being fat". When in reality, that really isn't what it is.

How do you focus on your physical health to that extent without it effecting you mentally?

I mean, I do what I can. I work out 5 days a week, I hardly eat fast food, I drink a ton of water, take vitamins..and I do my best to eat cleaner foods. But I guess it's not enough for the results I want. My body is just stuck here...at 188 pounds.

I still find myself looking in the mirror with total disgust as to how I look...I want to change it, but I mentally cannot deal with this diet balancing in such a way without getting neurotic.

Where do you draw the line?

Disgusted.

I've been having a tough time the past few days...eating with reckless abandon. I'm not sure if it's partly due to stress, and getting the hang of my ridiculous new schedule or the last few weeks of winter.

Lately, I've just been hating being at the gym. I hate the noise, the people and overall structure of the place. Maybe I'm experiencing vitamin D deficiency. I'm itching to get out and go hiking or something.

I absolutely need to get myself back on track.

*sigh*